Back in the days of the ol' gray disc eater the psx there was once a game called Parasite Eve. The game was about Aya a no nonsense super sexy lady cop that took ass and kicked names...wait that's not...yeah. Yeah that's right.

The game was also about Melissa a sick young woman who wanted nothing more than to sing opera.

In the intro sequence we're treated to Aya in a sexy black dress and some rather clunky controls to make her do what you want. (Lol! Just like ALL girls, amirite?) After a bit of an adjustment period we get her into the concert. Where this shit happens. Yeah. Fun.

Well of course Aya the gun toting crazy ass bitch that she is, follows that thing into the sewers. (Yes, the game does let you leave the theater, but there isn't really a 'Fuck this fucked up shit, I'm outie five thousand!' option once you're out there.)

You go down some poorly located stairs (took me five actual minutes to figure out where they were) and you get treated to this. Yeah, did I mention this game is rated M?

Well you kill them, which was quite obviously the best choice other than 'leave'. Travel some more, fight an alligator, and do more stuff, and move on to the next chapter.

That morning you go talk to your boss who in his youth was probably also a no nonsense super sexy cop that kicked ass and took names. He tells you to go get some weapons, but good luck finding where you were supposed to go to get them!
Once you manage to stumble into the place you get your gun and go. Where you get treated to another plot scene between Ben (who will need serious therapy when the game is over, you'll see why in a minute) and his dad. (Who also happens to be your partner. How convenient!) Then talk to the captain for another long cut scene before getting to go to the museum for (you guessed it!) another long cut scene. Only this time it's with SCIENCE! Actually, to be fair, this is the bit where he explains the entire situation as to why people burst into flames and you're having to fight mutated rats and things. However, his speech, to a real scientist, is pretty laughable as far as logic goes. Even someone who isn't a scientist would have to stretch their imagination a bit to buy it, but it is a game, after all. And really, most people playing Parasite Eve aren't in it for the RPG element. They just want to shoot stuff and stare at a sexy woman's behind while they do it. It's the same logic applied to tomb raider.

Anyway, you return to the precinct only to find that central park has some problems, and Ben's son is there for a concert (OH NOEZ!). Reason Ben will need therapy #1. So you go there, fight some giant worms, and Eve shows up in a chariot being drawn by a flaming horse. That's right. A carriage with a horse that on fire! You get to fight her and things end about how you'd expect it would. Eve gets away, but not without giving Aya a great flashback to the past she doesn't remember! YAY!

I'd give a description of the scene (couldn't find it on youtube), but to be honest, I have no idea what the hell was going on. Eve and Aya are related somehow? I think? Maybe? I don't know. Not that it really matters though, right? Right. Moving on.

You wake up that morning to find this guy outside your house. Apparently he fell asleep on the sidewalk waiting for you. Nope, that's not creepy. Anyway, you hit the pharmacy for some magical healing drugs and then raid a gun store. The city got evacuated after the whole people melting thing, so you can pretty much just take stuff.
After you're stocked go back to work.

Turns out, Eve attacked the place while you were out. Daniel, like the good daddy he is, left his kid there so he runs in. Maeda the dorky scientist gives you a special good luck charm...nope...still not creepy.
Run through the station, take some stuff off a bunch of dead cops. What? They're dead. It's not like they're going to want it. Screw the fact that these were Aya's colleagues and she probably knew all of their names. Run around and eventually we encounter reason #2 that Ben is going to need some serious therapy. That was a police dog at one time, and Ben was pretty fond of it.

Third day in, Meada explains more of what the hell is going on. Apparently Eve wants to make a baby. It's what all women want, right? Time to go to the hospital!

Meada gives you another super special good luck charm. You run around some more, fight some more mutated things, read some diaries that tell you pretty much what you already know, get to the top and find Eve melting a guy in a jet so the other jet will crash into it. Did I mention how much I love Eve? Yeah, after that you just go on to the next chapter.

Next you get to go to China Town! (Or a warehouse, but nothing happens there.) Run through it, fights a giant centipede, then notice that the goop of a thousand screaming souls is heading towards the museum.
Oh, and by the way, the goop is kind of a dick.

Then it's back to the museum, where you follow a dude in white, do some puzzles, and the goop does sort of the most predictable thing ever. But hey, at least now we get to fight a dinosaur! How many sexy ass kicking lady cops get to say that? Win, run to Eve's chambers and ew, oh my god, shoot it. Crazy bitch. Anyway, after that are a lot of cut scenes, conversations and eventually things get really messed up. Then moar planes! Brilliant! *sigh* Well Aya will have none of this. She gets herself a copter then blows it up. Good job there, Aya. After that disaster Eve shows up again. Yay! So Aya gets a parachute, jumps down there, and they fight. Guess who wins. Nope, it's not Aya. Just in case the screen is too blurry for you to see just how terrifying this thing is here. Not creeped out yet? This should do it.
Anyway, you get to fight that. Four forms worth of that. Then comes the obligatory sacrifice scene. Yay. And it dies, the ship explodes, and Aya survives in time for the angst session. Did I mention that Daniel doesn't die? YAY!

And we're done. It's over. Waaaait. Crap.

That's right! We're not actually done yet! Want the real ending? You get to play through ANOTHER game! This one is a dungeon crawl!



To be honest, I didn't bother. But I did want to know what happened, so I found someone who did on youtube. Ah, so that's what the hell was going on. Thanks for not telling me in the actual game Square! Also, that's kind messed up.

As you can tell I have sort of a love hate relationship with this game. On one hand it's dark a beautiful, but on the other it's so cliche it makes my brain cells pop. It's a good game, but it could have been better!

By the way, there's also a movie and a book that this game was based on. I've seen the movie (it was entertaining, but nothing ground shattering) and haven't read the book yet. Though if the book/movie ratio in Japan is the same as it is here, it's way better than the movie or the game could ever hope to be.

The carriage ride is a trap!
Serenity Frost