Lol, get it? DNA.So what's Harvester you ask? Well in 1994 it was the goriest most pointlessly violent game on the market. I think it might still hold that title...
I turn the game on and I'm treated to this nifty title sequence. I have a feeling I'm going to be laughing a lot in this game, and that's terrible.
After grabbing stuff from my room I get to meet amnesiac main character Steve's family. His brother is pretty into blood and guts, but that's pretty normal for a kid his age. Then you find out your mom has your dad locked up in their bedroom...okay that's sort of creepy...then your baby brother eats a wasp...yeah...maybe I won't be laughing as much as I thought.
So you do a bit of running around and learning about things and generally find out that this town is friggin crazy. Everyone in it. Apparently there's this lodge called the Order of the Harvest Moon that will probably be a big fat plot point later. Then you talk to the woman who explains the wasp thing, but I still don't actually get it. I wanted to find a video of her, but I couldn't. You'll just have to live with the mystery as well. You also find out that everyone who has ever visited the sleepy town of Harvest has come to a rather gory and untimely demise. Fun!
After picking up some dirty magazines for the deputy (a gesture of good will that leads to a fun little scene of the deputy getting whacked like a bad dog with a rolled up newspaper) and learning about the sheriff's addiction to pie you logically go to the diner and talk to the rather attractive woman there. Yeah, I've been doing a lot of talking so far. I won't go into all of them as most are rather disturbing. Suffice to say after collecting things you're going to need for puzzles and discovering that everyone in this town is totally loony and wants your death. You finish filling out the lodge invite, find out you can't give your dad some meat until he fills out a slip of paper, and go to bed. Yeah, that wasn't ominous at all...
The next day you blackmail a lecherous principal, get offered a bat, use a jar of Oralube on a manhole key, and take a screwdriver to a car's paint job. All in hopes that the lodge will let you join them. Yay!
The day after the kid who belongs to the diner owner Edna gets kidnapped. So you actually go and save her. At last, something not deviant and disorderly. Up until you steal clothes from a fire station, break into a barbershop and steal a lamp, and burn down the diner. Finally! They'll let you into the lodge! What was the point of all this? I haven't a clue, but fun times were had by all! Except for Edna who kills herself and her little girl the sheriff who won't get to enjoy her pie anymore, and your little brother who got his eyes pushed out by some wasps. Oh and your girlfriend Stephanie who...ah...died of natural causes... Yeah, so you take that invite to the lodge, right? I mean. They seem like such a honest group of guys. Well apparently the invite isn't enough. You have to steal her spine for them as well...fun.
To be honest I was very tempted to not finish the game, however, my OCD required it of me. Basically you kill every blasted person in the lodge at the request of the midget/amputee valet. You also find out that your girlfriend isn't dead. It's pretty safe to assume everyone in the lodge is crazy. There was one scene where you find some triplets eating their mom's thighs...yeah...and this other guy who hacks himself in the head because he lost at chess.
You get to pick from two endings. Both of which are pretty disturbing. Okay, so that was a joke. I thought you needed something sugar sweet if you've been clicking all the links in this thing up until this point.
Bad Ending
Good Ending
Honestly I couldn't tell the difference, but the bad ending has probably the best PSA against violence in video games messing with kids minds I've ever heard.
If you wanna buy this game try Amazon, if you don't want to spend 15 bucks then watch this nifty walkthrough here.
That's bullshit, mom!
Serenity Frost
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