Okay, Tim Burton, we need to talk.

Well, I need to talk and though I doubt you'll ever find this blog entry, you need to listen. I finally had a chance to see Alice in Wonderland, and while it wasn't a total mess of a film, it illustrated a lot of problems I have with you and was bad enough that I'm using it as a basis to write this. Now I know you're making fantastic money off all the goth kids buying Nightmare Before Christmas stuff at Hot Topic, but really, Tim Burton, that's not a legitimate excuse for these half assed efforts you've been turning out in recent years. Granted, many of them are enjoyable, but they lack the creativity of your earlier films. So, let's get this little discussion rolling and maybe, we'll get some work done here.

5.) Stop using CGI for everything.

Now, I understand that CGI is a great tool for film makers. It lets them accomplish things they couldn't have before and it's great that it helps you do your job (entertaining your audience) better, but it's no reason to phone it in. Your movies lack any sense of danger because you're not bothering to make good CGI. Your Bandersnatch and Jabberwocky made Power Rangers villains look threatening. Think about that. You just made Rita Repulsa threatening. That's bad and you should feel bad.

4.) Stop being creepy for creepy's sake.

Look, Tim, you do great creepy. We love your creepy. Mars Attacks!, Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice....all really great, but you've pretty much fallen into replicating two basic atmospheres for your movies: "whimsically creepy" and "dark and creepy". While you're really good at them, it wouldn't hurt to mix things up. I mean, couldn't you do another Big Fish type movie? something that's charming and whimsical without pandering to the goth kiddie crowd? Or what about another arty sort of film like Ed Wood? I know that one flopped at the box office, but you still put yourself out there and tried, so why not do the same now?

3.) Please put plot ahead of visuals.

This is sort of a common problem in Hollywood now, so don't feel too bad that you fall into this category. However, you've always been able to balance style and substance pretty well so maybe this is just a sign to re-evaluate things. Alice in Wonderland was ALL about the visuals. There was little in the way of plot and what was there didn't make sense. Same with your re-envisioning of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it was gorgeous but ultimately forgettable. That's not the reaction you want from a filmgoer, so you might want to think on this.

2.) Stop doing remakes

Seriously. Just stop. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was a classic, as was the original Planet of the Apes and Disney's 1951 version of Alice and Wonderland, even if the latter did sort of scar me as a kid. Your best stuff in my book: Beetlejuice, Nightmare Before Christmas, Mars Attacks! and Big Fish were all original pieces. Because of that, they stand out all the more. Don't fall into the remake pit, Tim, be better than that.

1.) STOP PUTTING JOHNNY DEPP (AND HELENA BONHAM CARTER) IN ALL YOUR MOVIES!

The Helena Bonham Carter thing is a new one, since she's only been a regular in your films since '01, but seriously Tim, Hollywood's a big place. There have to be other people you can hire. And that's not to say they're not good actors, they are, but Jesus Christ on toast having them in every film is not the greatest idea. Depp was not the best choice for the Mad Hatter and he was not the best choice for Willy Wonka. You could have done better, so why didn't you broaden your scope? Does Depp have some blackmail material on you? Did you lose a bet? What? Whatever it is, get rid of it and fast.

And there you have it Tim Burton, my suggestions for your improvement. Take them or leave them (seriously, take them, at this rate I will stop going to your movies seriously), but I've gotten them off my chest and that's what matters to me.

Intends to do more than rant eventually,

Jenna Darknight